I spend this summer salsa dancing in washington sq park and on pier 47 I cannot overemphasize how the ability — and fear — of salsa must have altered some chemical in my brain. I look forward to moving my body, to asking a stranger to dance with me, leaning on each others bodies, feeling the movement of their hips, meeting their eyes, and yet no expectation of a long conversation, a date — just dancing to dance. As the Summer leaves and the wind tunnels on 8th start whipping you left and right, and I start swing dancing, I learn again there's so much magic in learning to move your body. Everyone should dance.
Long gone is the time where your grandma can keep pace with you, running in the park. It's hard to tell as we age, especially while our lives accelerate; the times we say goodbye are much easier to count, now. 3 of my friends have had grandparents get sick recently. Sick enough for the next flight out. Sick enough you must accept the ragged breathing is him. Just a phone call where you can say goodbye; no time for the story of a small toy parachute, tales of coins at candy shops and running from the bullies. The beauty in life is in the finite; the moments that stack up to memories. I am always working on how to be okay with loss.
i saw another cute couple from a crush i met in college. We went on a couple 'friend' dates, she was extremely pretty, personable, and (the thing that got me) poetic. She had a way with seeing beautiful things in everyday life, and i know her journal is filled with letters of love to anything and everything she held dear. Its beautiful to be in love. And it has to be beautiful to lose it, be alright with losing a chance of love. If i never put the effort to make a crush a relationship, then i missed my shot, simple as that. But the cruel or clever part has to be, that a crush is so easy, so simple to have; and a relationship is too - but if you never even try? Never voiced that thought, the school girl love? Then i must simply let it go - it was never really possible in the first place. this is the video that has me considering this sort of love in a different light. but for now, why force it? ive been on a longer path, and the one consistency is that i feel more ready to shout love letters when im healthy, strong, and passionate.
how do you do it, balance between an aspriation, and reality? when is the right time to say, "for now, this will do," versus "i'll do it myself." im blessed with friends with vision, passion. family with careers, not gigs. drive and commitment to something big. but after the dust of college settled, and my vision feels even muddier. why settle? why step? where will it help me? where does it fold into my big ideas? all of this leads me to now. TWENTY-TWO years old, a wealth of SCAD projects that taught me how to process and plan, and visions of a future. ---- I know im in a rut. My pattern is very clear - i look for people to fill my gaps, for attention, or distraction. & i see that in the following: 1. I cried at jacob collier and proceded to look up his age. 2. I think about what we talked about, while we cooked. From what we thought about love to life and now dreams. Setting down, vs exploring out. 3. I feel stuck with the work that i'm doing; i need an outlet for this vision i have, supported by work. --- Ambition is a beast with heads that roar and whine - yet im determined to fight. I fear i just dont know when the fight begins. I feel once i leave Nashville, i'll have a chance.
How do you advocate against a business? How do you find value in other's ideas if you cant even get to know them? There is a large tangible separation between me (the worker) and my bosses (the strategists, the business). I read this article the other week about the enshittification that Google fought (mind you, the article is sensationalized, and I think that's okay, at least he takes such a strong stance to showcase the point). The idea that the goal of "growth" is perveted, and destroys any value in an experience. yet now, I direclty contribute to that, by not knowing where to raise my voice. The only method I have, is to create good, effective work, that answers my asks, and pose questions with open boxes — challenge the experts to come up and show me what they know. What is embedded.
the thing that i find most foreign about the places we went to in croatia was the relationship my friends have with sex. i think ive noticed sex and like money talk to be the most pinpointed differences in culture, and i find it relaxing when people can open up. seeing syndey and maxine react to Pero was all i needed in life to see the clash. anyways other than that, i think the singing and parties was incredible, and getting to visit with family (speakign partial croatian now) meant the world to me. now im seriously going to find a tutor for the languages i want to know.
i think i want to be able to create small microsite experiences FAST. this is more of a eandom thought, but it came to mind as i played a mobile game. i hope i can find some excuses soon >:) like something like the paramount one i made
When you're inspired, you can do anything. In that moment of clarity, anythign is achievable. I seek these moments of clarity. One happened last night during a meeting — I had fucked up. I realized, during this meeting (it was about FLUX), that there was a secret understanding I never realized before about leadership. You have the power to predict the future (in a way). You can set people up for success or failure, accidentally or intentionally, so easily. I don't know too much rn how I can talk about it without being vague, but my realization is that as I become more of a leader, there's so much opportunity to be that push factor. If I can see something someone else can't, I must voice it. This is something that happened in my SCADpro as well... I had moments of clarity on next steps, that went unsaid. I believe as I grow, I learn more of these words that help me voice my thoughts, and I can find out how to drive people's passion the same way I am driven by the same passion.
There's so much to a story. When telling a story, I wonder if I embellish too much - have too much fun with the retelling. But how can you tell an interesting story without attachment? How do you relieve frustrations without letting your feelings control the words you use for a moment?
Inspiration hits hard. When you find something, small or large, that alters your mind/mindset, the feeling of reeling back, mouth wide, is unbeatable. The energy that im filled with afterward is undeniable, you HAVE to move. I guess this would mean the next step is to find the source, and put it on the walls im surrounded by.
Im writing this at a different time - goes to show the scary part of starting a project (not getting to it). Practice makes us who we are - discipline defines our habits - the processes we us guide our goal - the mindset we adopt controls all. The purpose - in plain english - of this site would be to help me "socialize" thoughts. Publicize parts of my brain. I hope to use this as a first draft to the thoughts that sprint in my noggin. You are more than welcome to text me or ask me a question - I'm Amadeus btw <3
I've gotten flirted on more in my life in the last few weeks than ever before... I'm 23. This is prime Adult male...? Allegedly. I have zero idea what it means — AND — I have made a lot of choices around sex and love that have kept me pretty guarded. Much to learn.
My inspo for my future dates is everywhere —
I think there's some really special differences that have happened over the past 14 months that have defined the type of person I'm trying to become. Talking with people (living with them as well lol) from SCAD makes me realize how special the type of person that goes through that program. Passion-driven people rule the world. Designers rule the world. Without passion, the world is just not cool. The future is filled with art and rough edges.
Graduation, and now what? I know things will change. ive loved every minute in this environment, would wish this experience to all.
The show - is pretty interesting. A promise of nothing, and clever delivery of such. I accidentally watched an episode of scrubs tho and laughed. So i knew i needed the wit of scrubs, rather than the crafted humor of mr. Jerry. I love Kramer though.
I also chose a jam jar based on the drinking glass i get out of it later. Unrelated.
Seinfeld is teaching me more about the world than i'd like to admit.